Love Challenge

   Being one of the eldest in my batch, I am often or more likely considered as  matured person. I, sometimes, act that I am. I  make it to think older than I can, to  analyze simple things in more complicated (scientific most of the time) ways and  vice versa.

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   Since I am older than anybody else, I assumed to be right most of the time and  ignores to think twice on what I say.

   Today, when we are on duty (pertaining to me and my boyfriend), we had this  small argument about him being problematic about his performance in playing  basketball. He kept on thinking (mumbling) the possible reasons why he is not  playing well this past days he had been playing after a long period of time he'd  stopped. Before that, later after lunch, we've decided that he will not play and  rather sleep to rest.

   Honestly, I got pissed when I heard he doesn't stock to the plan. Related to that  he also kept on thinking why he doesn't make it to understand the things he is  reading on whatever book or reference materials he had (electronic or not) on  hand. I told him that he'd rather spent time solving his problem on his studies than  paying more attention in his "basketball thing".

   Maybe he got insulted in gave me a different look than he usually do. I asked him  what is his problem and gave no answer.

The song on the background was continuously playing coming out from the  speaker in the conference room. This song entitled "Perfect" played and he said it  was for me.

I got it, I walked away and turned my back on him. I not telling him to be perfect,  I'm just asking him to help himself. But it seems like I'm asking him to be perfect for me.

   He didn't showed up till the end of the afternoon duty time.

When the time ends, he showed up with a puppy face asking for some kind of inaudible question during the logging-out time. I used to ignore him in times like this that I am pissed to be able to prevent me from saying unnecessary things that might worsen the conflict.

   I kept silent the whole dinner time and talked to him after we've ate and got my mind clear enough to smile and talk to him.

He apologized to me multiple times, showing how really sorry he is. It happened that some lines from the book I'm reading suits the situation. It was from the book of Bob Ong, "Ang paboritong libro ni Hudas". Actually the phrase are for those "sugalero's".

 

It says:

   "Darating lang ang pagbabago kung pagod at sawang sawa ka na sa kawalan ng control, at hand ka nang harapin at pasinungalingan ang boses na nagsasabi sa'yong "Hindi mo kaya!" At mangyayari lang lahat ito sa panahon na gusto mo na talagang magbago-hindi para kanino man o kung sa anumang dahilan, kundi tanging para sa sarili mo."

   I realized, that it is not easy to change people and it is not right to change them. Change is prior to their will and the possibilities of this depends upon the willingness and capacity of the person. Time will come, if they want to, for themselves, they will learn to adapt to the world. And for me, it will be more fulfilling for them that the only and main reason for their change is for themselves individually.

   Everyone are relative to each other. We can't compare our capacities to others because we are made different. I probably found reading and understanding the contents easier than he used to and I should respect that. Maybe, there are some other alternatives for him to appreciate reading and understanding the topics.

   I owe him apology. I should and I would.

I should understand that I can't make him perfect (and I insist, I'm not doing so) but rather inspire him to make the best of himself and accept whatever he can do to the fullest. And I'm surely be the one that will be the happiest seeing him being to.